Case. After a stroke, mum moved in. The wife cares for her and burns out; the husband spends months “living next to someone else’s schedule”, silent so as not to look selfish.
Model. Long background load with no rotation: one node overloaded with care, the other idling in uselessness. Both silences look noble and work as mutual disappearance.
What helped. Both facts said aloud: “I am burning out” and “I miss you” — it turned out not to be a contest of grievances. A carer two days a week, and one evening a week returned to the couple.
Lesson. Caring for a parent is a marathon. Without rotation and honest words it consumes both the carer and the marriage.