framework / redundancy
Redundancy: a support network
Why you can’t be each other’s single source of everything.
The problem
One partner is the sole source of support, connection, help. If they’re overloaded or away, the system is left with no reserve.
The engineering model
A single working node with no backup is a single point of failure. A healthy system has redundancy: friends, loved ones, interests, and specialists if needed.
Protocol
- Don’t route all needs onto one person.
- Maintain outside ties and each person’s own supports.
- Allow each other a life beyond the couple — it strengthens, not threatens.
- In hard times bring in the reserve, don’t drag it alone at the limit.
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- Don’t demand the partner cover all your needs.
- Don’t isolate the couple from the world “for closeness”.
- Don’t treat asking for help as weakness.
Support: a reserve of strength holds the system in a crisis. See High availability.